We’ve all done it; cleaned out the closet at 11 p.m., binge-watched a full season in one night, scrolled until our thumbs went numb. Sometimes it’s after a breakup. Sometimes it’s after a funeral. Sometimes it’s just a Tuesday when grief sneaks up on us.
These behaviors have a name:
S.T.E.R.B.S.
Short-Term Energy-Relieving Behaviors.
They’re the little things we reach for when we’re trying not to feel something big. They work—kind of. At least for a minute. But let’s talk about what’s really going on underneath.
What Are STERBS, Really?
STERBS are those instinctive, often unconscious coping mechanisms that offer quick relief from emotional pain. They're not bad—they're just limited.
Think:
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Overworking
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Emotional eating
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Mindless scrolling
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Rearranging the pantry
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Retail therapy
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Binge-watching shows
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Zoning out with substances
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Dodging real conversations about the loss
These behaviors give us a temporary escape hatch from pain. But escape isn’t the same as healing.
The Trouble with Numbing
Here’s the deal: STERBS aren’t dangerous because they exist; they’re dangerous because they’re easy.
They feel productive. Or comforting. Or at least distracting. But the relief is short-lived, and the grief is still there, waiting quietly in the wings.
Over time, this creates a cycle of emotional avoidance. We build lives around not-feeling instead of healing. And that can lead to:
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Emotional burnout
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Sudden breakdowns
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Feeling disconnected from yourself
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An ongoing sense that “something’s off”
Because it is.
Distraction Isn’t Healing
Pain doesn’t vanish just because we ignore it. It waits. It burrows. It leaks into places we don’t expect: our sleep, our relationships, our health, our faith.
We don’t heal by going around the grief.
We heal by going through it.
And while that sounds daunting (and honestly, uncomfortable), it’s also where true relief lives.
What Actually Helps
Real grief recovery doesn’t require you to have it all figured out. It just asks for your willingness to feel instead of flee.
Here are a few powerful first steps:
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Name what you’re feeling. Even if it’s messy. Even if it changes by the hour.
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Talk to someone safe. A trusted friend, a therapist, or a grief specialist can hold space when the pain feels too big.
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Write it out. Journaling can be an emotional pressure release and help you process what words sometimes can’t.
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Practice mindfulness. Even 3 minutes of deep breathing can reconnect you to your body and emotions.
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Ask for help. Support isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.
You’re Not Failing. You’re Grieving.
If you’ve been coping in ways that feel a little too familiar right now—take a breath. You’re not doing it “wrong.” You’re doing what your nervous system thinks will keep you safe. The good news? You’re not stuck there.
There’s a way forward that leads to lasting healing not just another loop of avoidance.
Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?
Download our FREE Grief Recovery 101 Guide for practical steps you can take today. Or schedule a Grief Assessment to gain clarity and create a personalized plan for moving forward.