You know that feeling in your chest: tight, unsettled, like you’re bracing for something hard? Even though nothing has happened yet, your body knows. Your heart knows.
That’s anticipatory grief.
It’s the kind of grief that begins before the loss. When someone you love is sick. When a relationship is hanging by a thread. When a season of life is slowly slipping away and you're not sure what's next.
This kind of grief is real. But most people don’t talk about it.
Why It’s So Hard to Name
Anticipatory grief is confusing because you feel like you “shouldn’t” be grieving yet.
You tell yourself:
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“They’re still here.”
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“It’s not that bad.”
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“Other people have it worse.”
But your nervous system disagrees. It’s already scanning for danger. It’s already mourning what’s slowly being lost, bit by bit.
You may notice:
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Anxiety without a clear reason
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Snapping at loved ones or withdrawing emotionally
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Worry about how you’ll “handle it” when the moment comes
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Feeling guilty for grieving something that’s not gone yet.
You're not imagining it. You're not overreacting. You're not broken.
You’re grieving something real.
It’s possible to begin missing someone while they’re still standing right in front of you.
What Are You Already Grieving?
Anticipatory grief can show up in many ways:
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A parent with a progressive illness
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A friend moving away
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The end of a marriage or long-term relationship
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A child heading off to college
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A looming life change that will alter everything
The loss doesn’t have to be sudden or final to hurt. And just because you saw it coming doesn’t mean it’s easier.
In fact, seeing it coming can make it harder.
Because you're holding grief in slow motion. You’re trying to stay present and prepare at the same time. It’s exhausting.
Give Yourself Permission to Grieve Now
Most people wait until the funeral, the goodbye, the final moment to grieve.
But if you’re already hurting, waiting won’t help.
Here are a few gentle ways to meet your grief where it is:
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Say It Out Loud
Try naming the thing you’re afraid to lose. Say it without minimizing or editing. Grief needs honesty. -
Let Yourself Feel Without Fixing
You don’t have to be positive. You don’t have to plan. You’re allowed to feel sad, angry, or scared, now. -
Talk to a Safe Person
Find someone who can listen without trying to make it better. That might be a friend, a therapist or a grief specialist like me. -
Write Down What You’re Already Missing
This helps give form to the invisible. What are you grieving before it even ends? Write it without judgment. -
Get Support Sooner, Not Later
You don’t have to wait until the loss happens to begin healing. Support during anticipatory grief can ease the eventual impact.
You’re Not Weak for Feeling This
You're human. You're wired to connect. And when something you love begins to shift, your heart feels it before your mind can explain it.
You don’t have to grieve in silence.
You don’t have to “stay strong.”
You just have to stay honest.
If you’re in a season of waiting, bracing, or quietly aching, I see you.
And I want you to know: you’re allowed to start grieving now.
Ready for additional support?
Download our FREE Grief Recovery 101 Guide or schedule an In-depth Grief Assessment. We’ll explore what you’re already carrying and walk through next steps before the goodbye, the change, or the loss fully arrives.